It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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