You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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