You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
