the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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