he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
