i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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