I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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