I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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