There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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