Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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