R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Randomize
