Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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