Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
