i would punch a child for taco bell
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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