Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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