is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
