if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
did you just send me my own nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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