I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
