my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
