"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
