when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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