'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
