I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
