if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
