I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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