I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I forget how to act sober
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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