he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
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Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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