Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
