your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
