A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
