i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Houston, we have a blender
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have fence marks all over my body
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
