I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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