weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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