Well douche your snatch and let's go!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize