He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
