Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
