Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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