i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
