I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i came on her dog
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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