We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
