Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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