So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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