so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
