It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
