How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
