Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
