apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Green mimosas i think yes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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