The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
