yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
