using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
