Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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