He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
