we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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