Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
