Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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