how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
