I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
