So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
They should really pass out barf bags in church
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
