he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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